


Unmistakably T'hy'la

by Misscar



Series: You Don't Have to [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Accidental Vulcan make out sessions, Admirals who are idiots, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bureaucracy, Communication Failure, Dating without realizing it, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Kobayashi Maru, M/M, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 10:34:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/649623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misscar/pseuds/Misscar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since he was young, Spock has been looking for that one person that would be everything to him. Secretly he desired a person who could be a lover, a brother, and a friend simultaneously. By age 25 by human standards he gave up the illogical "dream" of ever finding that one person who could understand him completely. Then he met Jim Kirk.</p><p>Part Two of the series You Don’t Have to Be My Boyfriend</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Jaded is Not an Emotion

**Author's Note:**

> Additional Disclaimer: The only beta the first three chapters had was the software program Kurzweil 3000. All chapters after that, were reviewed by an actual human being that is not as dyslexic or dysgraphic as I am. Unfortunately, after almost 2 years none of the gracious people who beta my stories have had a chance to go over this one. If anybody would like to correct the older parts, please contact me.
> 
> Note: In this story assume that T'hy'la is a gender neutral term that can be a apply to a male or female.
> 
> I purposely made the age difference between Jim and Spock smaller then in canon.
> 
> Also, when the term kissing is use assume it refers to the Vulcan style of kissing unless otherwise stated.
> 
>  
> 
> Inspired by The song: Unmistakable by the Backstreet Boys
> 
> Lyric excerpt:
> 
> "Anytime, anywhere, anyplace  
> You could be anyone today  
> Maybe I would recognize you On a crowded street  
> Maybe you'll take me by surprise  
> Will you be the one I had in mind "  
> "What if you're here and I'm just blind"

Ever since Spock was a small child he believed in true love. If he were human, one would say he dreamt of finding true love. Not that Vulcans dream.

 

Since he was six years old and heard the word T'hy'la for the first time, he knew that was what he wanted more than anything. He wanted to find the one person who would understand him as a true friend, be close to him as a brother or sister, yet love him in a completely romantic way. Not that his gifted six year old mind completely grasp the concept of a lover. Yet even back then, he knew he wanted someone who could be all three simultaneously.

 

It was illogical to believe in such a thing. Growing up on Vulcan he never saw evidence of the type of love written about in pre reform poetry or in the old literature of earth. Love was an emotion. Therefore it should not be expressed or even be possessed.

 

It was hard to believe in love when you are surrounded by people who hate you simply because you were not entirely genetically Vulcan. Yet hate was an emotion and he felt surrounded by it. If hatred could exist in the Vulcan heart, maybe love could as well.

 

He knew his mother loved his father. It was obvious by the fact she was willing to live on a planet where people treated her as the dirt beneath their feet just to be near Sarek.

 

When Spock was 11 he asked his father why he married his mother. His only reply was it was logical. That statement should not surprise Spock. He has never even seen his parents kiss, not even in the human style. Such public displays of affection were unheard of on Vulcan.

 

By age 25 in human years, his own personal experiences have left him wondering if he could ever find someone that could possibly be his T'hy'la.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

When he was 7 he was bonded to a young girl named T'Pring. Since they were to spend the rest of their lives together, he hoped that love and friendship could develop over time. It was obvious no such thing would ever happen when he discovered her kissing one of his tormentors two days before he stood before the board of the Vulcan Science Academy. If Happiness were not an emotion, he would have felt it when T'Pring agreed to dissolve their bond the day before he left for earth. It was a small comfort considering his father disowned him the same day. He has not spoken to Sarek since that day.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

At the academy, he thought he found the possibility of true love and friendship in his first roommate. He will not divulge a name in an effort to spare himself some humiliation, not that he feels humiliation. That would be an emotion and he is not supposed to feel those sorts of things.

 

This young man quickly became his first lover. The only good thing about the experience was he became well versed in human sexuality and sexual activities. He also became well versed and the concept of sexual orientation and homophobia on earth.

 

On Vulcan, the best way to explain it is everyone is pansexual or gender blind. Things such as mental compatibility are valued above things like the biological sex of the partner. It was hard to adjust to the fact that people on earth did not see things that way.

 

Some people are open minded with their preferences. Others like his roommate were in standard what was referred to as a "closet case." His roommate was so uncomfortable with his finding enjoyment with members of the same sex that he called Spock several nasty terms in standard in front of his friends that Spock had to look up . After discovering what several of those words meant, he quickly asked to be assigned to another dorm room on the other side of campus.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

During his second year at the academy, he worked with a wonderful young woman who he will simply refer to as Cadet X. She was intellectually stimulating and aesthetically pleasing. It was only logical that he would have an interest in her.

 

She told Spock that she just wanted to be his friend even though she pushed for the two to have a sexual relationship. This is when she explained to him the earth concept of "friends with benefits". During the course of their friendship, he started to develop real feelings for her. He almost believes he found love with her. However, almost does not count. Later he would find out that she only wanted to sleep with him because he was Vulcan and she found him exotic. It hurt him to discover this.

 

Several years later, most women who asked him out do it for the exact same reason, much to Spock's disappointment. Therefore he decides to turn these women down in the most emotionless and Vulcan way possible.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

During his first assignment after graduation, he develop what on earth they refer to as a crush on his captain. After his previous experiences, he decided to keep this information to himself. Besides, it was improper for him to have a crush on his commanding officer. Captain Pike became aware of his feelings after an incident on a planet involving pollen that forced everyone to confess their true feelings. Unfortunately, the captain did not feel the same way about him.

 

He saw Spock as almost a son and not a lover. There were no hard feelings and Spock will be serving as Captain Pike's First Officer once his current assignment at the academy is finished in the spring of next year.

 

XXXXXXXX

 

Currently he was enamored with Cadet Uhura, or at least he was up until 3.2 standard days ago. She is quite intelligent and engaging. They have a very easy friendship, but the cadet keeps pushing for more. Because she is his student, it would be improper for him to engage in a sexual relationship with her until she graduates at the end of the year despite the fact that he would not be adverse to such a relationship.

 

However, he wanted to wait until they were no longer professor and student. He explained this to her. However, she kept pushing him to have "coffee" with her.

 

Because she couldn't respect his boundaries, he didn't see love being here either. If she really cared about him, she would respect his wishes and not push him to do something he did not want to do. 3.2 standard days ago he gave up on the idea of ever finding his T'hy'la. In human vernacular, he gave up the dream of ever finding true love.


	2. Maybe I Am Just Blind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by The song: Unmistakable by the Backstreet Boys
> 
>  
> 
> Lyric excerpt:
> 
>  
> 
> "What if you're here and I'm just blind"

3.2 standard days later after Spock gave up on the idea of ever finding his T'hy'la, he was asked to observe how students handled the Kobayashi Maru simulation he designed in hopes of making the test better before he left in 10.2 months time. On a Tuesday at 1650 hours, for the first time he observed a cadet who truly believe that the test was not unwinnable. For 15 minutes, he watched the cadet dissect everything he did during the test with himself afterwards. He wondered if the young man was aware that he was actually speaking out loud. In any event, he gave Spock several ideas for improvement.

 

Spock sent in a student to get the cadet to leave after it was obvious he would not do so on his own. Before Spock left the observation room, he looked quickly at the list of cadets taking the simulation that day and discovered the man's name was James Kirk.

 

Spock chose not to read anything into the fact that he was planning to look up the young man in the Academy database when he returned to his quarters. He tells himself it was for research purposes only.

 

So caught up in his thoughts on what he was planning to do once he returned to his quarters, Spock accidentally ran into the cadet that had his attention earlier. Before he had time to react, the quick student grabbed the fallen PADD and placed it in Spock's hand, but not without making direct contact.

 

He was instantly flooded with feelings of lust and longing. The emotions he was feeling from that one touch were so overwhelming that he used his Vulcan speed to be as far away as possible before the human recovered from his initial shock. Spock never experienced anything like that from one touch before.

 

XXXXX

 

After an uncharacteristic 3 hours of meditation to recover from the casual touch Spock, found himself researching the young cadet from earlier that day. He told himself he was just doing this so he could understand why the cadet had such a unusual reaction to the test. Spock convinced himself that his curiosity was purely for scientific reasons."

 

The first thing he discovered was James Kirk was the youngest son of the late George Kirk. He should have remembered when he first saw the name on the PADD. He studied the Kelvin incident in great detail when designing the Kobayashi Maru. Also during the time when he had a crush on Captain Pike, he may or may not have read the Captain's dissertation on the entire incident.

 

Spock does not understand why he did not come to this conclusion earlier. Maybe it was because that would make Cadet Kirk almost five years older than the average individual at the academy. With this new knowledge he hypothesize that Cadet Kirk took his failure of the Kobayashi Maru much harder then his contemporaries because it reminded Cadet Kirk of what happened with his father.

 

 

XXXXX

 

 

After two days of research, all Spock knew about Cadet Kirk was his extensive police record for bar fights or indecent exposure and he had a very high GPA in college and at the Academy. At that time Spock decided that he needed to take a more direct approach to his research. Spock told himself that he was only interested in learning more about Cadet Kirk for research purposes. He was fascinated with the cadet solely for the purpose of improving the simulation.

 

Because Cadet Uhura participated in the simulation with Cadet Kirk and engaged in some friendly banter with him before the simulation began it seemed logical that they may be acquainted with each other outside of academics. It turns out that hypothesis was erroneous. She did not know him beyond the fact that Cadet Kirk tried to sleep with her the first time he met her at some bar in Iowa.

 

She is also convinced that he has a pension for penetrating farm animals. That must be a euphemism on earth that he is unfamiliar with. A human with blue eyes like that, who exudes so much lust with a single touch, would not have to resort to such things.

 

"Why do you want to know more about him?" She asked quickly.

 

"I found his reaction to being unable to win the Kobayashi Maru fascinating. I want to understand why he had such a reaction, so that I may improve the test." It was a plausible explanation.

 

"The only reason why he acted that way is because he is a self absorbed cocky brat who always gets what he wants including a spot at the academy. I personally don't think he's even smart enough to be here. If his daddy didn't die saving 800 people he probably wouldn't be here. He only acted that way because he couldn't get his way."

 

It was obvious to Spock that Cadet Uhura did not know Cadet Kirk at all. She obviously knew nothing about his 165 IQ or the fact that he already had a master's degree by the time he was 21. Although he was still at a loss to understand why during the year after graduation Cadet Kirk drifted around Iowa without any path whatsoever until he came to Starfleet the next year.

 

They were forced to halt their conversation when the other students arrived for the group. At some point during the discussion that he was leading, he noticed the object of his recent research munching on an apple as he was staring at their group. After his previous conversation with Cadet Uhura, he assumed that Kirk was looking at her.

 

One positive side effect of that earlier conversation was it was much easier for him to turn down Cadet Uhura's invitation for "coffee". He has known that these invitations for coffee have been actually invitations to engage in sexual intercourse for the last 4.2 months after she accidentally touched his hand the third time she asked. He was also aware that the touch was not accidental, but rather an intentional kiss. He does not allow her to touch him anymore.

 

XXXXX

 

Spock tried not to think anything of the fact that he had changed his behavior pattern over the next three weeks so he may catch glimpses of the elusive cadet that has been occupying his mind since he first saw him. There was nothing to the fact that he was now eating lunch in the student cafeteria instead of the facilities for professors. The fact that Spock purposely walked by several of the cadets classes meant nothing. It was of no importance that he requested to observe one of Cadet Kirk's classes.

 

Although he was able to see the elusive cadet more he was also subjected to being accosted by several female cadets and colleagues. After his previous unfortunate experience with love and relationships he has become wary of engaging in casual dating or sexual intercourse. He did not trust anyone when it came to matters of the heart. It was even harder to trust someone when you can discover their true motives with a casual touch.

 

The fact that Cadet Kirk smiled every time the cadet heard Spock reject one of the females had nothing to do with the fact that he kept rejecting them in front of the cadet. He did not experience what humans would call butterflies in his stomach every time he heard Cadet Kirk laugh. He was a Vulcan and it was not possible for Vulcans to feel anything that approximated the sensation of having butterflies in there digestive track.

 

After three weeks of observing, Cadet Kirk finally made first contact. If he were human, he would find the entire account amusing. The fact that he announced that he wanted to just be Spock's friend told him immediately that the cadet was interested in more than just friendship. Spock did leave before the young man could try out any more earth pickup lines on him. Spock tried not to think about the fact that he memorized the contact information that Cadet Kirk provided him with.

 

XXXXX

 

Two days later after class in the guise of being a good friend, Cadet Uhura tried to warn him off Cadet Kirk. An "accidental" touch of her bare forearm against his hand told him the real reason for her concern was she was actually jealous. The emotion pulse through him. Although she has finally accepted that he does not see her as more then his student and maybe his friend, she did not want anyone else to have more with him. A part of her still hoped that once she was no longer his student she could be with him.

 

He will never tell her that her warning him off Cadet Kirk was the sole reason why he invited the cadet to play a game of chess. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was perfectly willing to be seduced by the cadet. Although it was not publicized so that professors would not take advantage of it, as long as he was not Cadet Kirk's personal instructor it was perfectly acceptable for the two to engage in a relationship of a sexual nature.

 

When it comes to the game of chess he normally does not have the patience to teach. Yet with Cadet Kirk, it was easy. He never found it so easy before to converse with a human, not even with Cadet Uhura or Captain Pike.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

He invited the cadet to play again because he found him fascinating. Not because of the accidental kiss they shared during the match. It had nothing to do with the lust and passion he felt that was directed at Spock. If he were completely human, feeling that the cadet genuinely valued his companionship would have influenced Spock's decision. However, he was Vulcan and therefore those feelings had no influence on his logic.

 

He found himself enjoying the cadet's company greatly during the first two weeks he was teaching him how to play the game. It had nothing to do with the fact that at least once or twice every game Jim would kiss him. He found that he enjoyed their conversations almost as much as the physical contact.

 

For the first time, he felt comfortable telling someone stories about his life as the ambassador's son. Because Cadet Kirk grew up with a mom who never stayed in one place for very long made the cadet seem like a kindred spirit.

 

XXXXX

 

Although every time Jim kissed him he felt a shock of electricity and deep feelings of lust, he knew that Jim wanted to cultivate a real relationship with him. (He no longer refered to him as Cadet Kirk. It is illogical to refer to someone by a title you have kissed 23 times.)

 

He found the prospect of a real relationship intriguing and therefore allowed Jim to visit him at his apartment. Jim was the first person to receive such an invitation.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Almost three months into this relationship and Spock has never felt closer to another individual, not even his mother. Overtime he tells Jim everything, including being uncomfortable about being seen as "that half-human" by his contemporaries. He even speaks to Jim about his father disowning him.

 

Jim also tells Spock all his secrets. Spock knows Jim hates that people only see him as George Kirk's son and most of his professors assume he is only there for that reason until they see his test scores. He knows that Jim stepfather used to beat him. Spock was surprised that Jim allows him to touch him so casually because Jim normally discourages physical contact outside of sexual intercourse.

 

Spock knows that Jim's brother ran away because he was tired of being abused by Frank. He knows that Jim drove his biological father's antique red corvette in to a manmade ravine just to get his mom to come home. Spock understands why he did it. Spock has never met anyone that he understands as well as Jim Kirk or that understands him so completely.

 

XXXXX

 

One thing so far they do not talk about is their previous relationships. Spock decides not to analyze why both are unable to talk about previous lovers.

 

He tries not to think about why he becomes so upset whenever Jim flirts with anyone. The only reason why he growled at his neighbor when Jim utilized his trademark smile on her was she had a history of bringing back a different person to her apartment every single night. He is protective of his friend and that was all.

 

Of course, he was uncertain whether the earth definition of friend or the Vulcan definition applied more to his relationship with Jim. It is of no consequence that he let Jim hold his hand for the very first time later that night and allow him to engage in what most Vulcans consider heavy petting.

 

He does not feel happiness over the fact that Jim no longer goes to bars to meet women (or men). He has not expressed joy over the fact that Jim starts to spend the majority of his evenings in Spock's presents. Joy and happiness are emotions and therefore it is illogical for Spock to feel such a thing.

 

XXXXXX

 

It was of no consequence that Spock keeps his house stocked with real earth beer that only Jim will drink when he comes over. It is irrelevant that Spock reprograms the replicator in his apartment to make all of Jim's favorite things. It doesn't matter that Spock is willing to eat pizza for Jim even though he normally despises Italian food. It was more of an American food anyway.

 

There was no hidden meaning to Spock downloading hundreds of classic earth films and TV shows to his collection that were all Jim's favorites. It was only logical to do such a thing so that Jim would have something that he would enjoy watching.

 

It was not for Jim sake that Spock was cutting down on his research time and rearranging his schedule to have more free time. Spock told himself that he just needed a break. It was of no consequence that he chose to take that break with Jim. It really meant nothing at all.

 

XXXXXX

 

Their first major disagreement happen 3.6 months into their relationship. During one of their conversations, when Jim mentioned he was planning to take the Kobayashi Maru for a second time, he started cursing the designer of the test. Spock let Jim know that he was "the dick" who designed the test and then proceeded to explain the true purpose. He makes the unfortunate mistake of mentioning the sacrificed Jim's father made in the context of him being an example that all captains must follow in a crisis situation.

 

Spock should have known better than to bring ones parent into the debate. Spock still remembered punching one of his fellow classmates out for saying inappropriate things about his mother. Therefore, Jim throwing pieces of his furniture around the apartment and running away would not be an illogical response.

 

Before Jim, he considered apologizing illogical, but he finds he has no choice. A few hours without Jim and he feels lost. He is afraid to meditate on what it means that he feels like half of himself is missing when Jim is not in his presence.

 

The next day after consulting with Cadet Uhura, he gives him a apology present of cookies. Jim instantly forgives him. Despite the fact he no longer has any romantic interest in Cadet Uhura there still friends. Although two days later, she was quite upset with him after class and mentioned something about never receiving her cookies.

 

XXXXXX

 

Things are peaceful for the next few weeks. He does not question the fact that they start spending more time with each other and began to do things other than play chess like watching those movies that Spock downloaded previously. It is just a natural progression.

 

XXXXXX

 

Then they have another fight. This seems illogical to Spock because he was never prone to arguing before. However, Jim Kirk managed to bring out all sorts of illogical feelings from Spock. He could not deny their existence in Jim kirk's presents, especially when Jim kissed him or engaged in a more passionate embrace such as completely holding Spock's hand. This is illogical because he does not see Jim as a possible romantic partner despite the feelings of lust and longing that are generated every time they kiss.

 

The fact that Spock allows Jim to kiss him or suck various food substances off his fingers is of no consequence. His first "girlfriend" Cadet X introduced him quickly to the earth concept of friends with benefits. That is exactly what is happening this time.

 

One of Spock's fellow professors mention that Cadet Kirk skipped his midterm on Tarsus IV earlier that day. This infuriates Spock because he assumes Jim must have missed that test to be with some girl or for some other frivolous reason. Spock does not feel jealousy over the thought that Jim was with someone else, because jealousy is an emotion.

 

Spock does not yell at Jim because Vulcans do not yell. However, Spock does raise his voice marginally and expresses frustration. He says he is worried about Jim's academic performance. Spock does not allow himself to express anything more than that.

 

It is afterwards that he discovers the horrible truth that Jim witnessed everything first hand. Spock holds Jim as he describes every grim detail of the massacre of the colonists. Jim described the extreme hunger in details that cannot be captured in any text. Jim described watching his friends be murdered in front of him. Spock feels Jim's anguish and pain through their touch. It consumes Spock.

 

What seems like hours later, after Jim is completely emotionally spent, he falls asleep in Spock's arms. Although Spock has engaged in sexual intercourse before, this is the first time he has done what humans refer to as "spending the night".

 

Spock does not want to analyze why he feels completely content with his arms wrapped around Jim's body in a protective embrace. He chooses not to meditate on the fact that he kisses Jim the human way on the forehead that night once he is sure Jim was completely asleep.

 

Spock finds out that later on that he is the first person that Jim has ever recounted the horrible events to. Spock chooses not to analyze the importance of such a revelation. Spock realizes that lately he tries not to meditate on any of his behavior relating to Cadet Kirk.

 

He believes it is unfair for Jim to fail his class because of being unable to take the test. Spock's decision to intervene has nothing to do with the way Jim makes him feel even though he will not admit to such a thing.

 

Not wanting to betray Jim's confidence, Spock asked his colleague to examine the list of those on the planet at the time of the incident. When she finds a record of Winona Kirk and her youngest son being on the planet she immediately comes to the correct conclusion. 

 

Two days later Jim tells him about the professor giving him another exam. If he were not a Vulcan he would smile at the happiness in Jim's voice and body language. However, it would be inappropriate for Spock to do such a thing. Spock chooses again not to analyze what he feels whenever he is in Jim's presence. Spock tells himself again it is of no consequence.

 

XXXXXX

 

A few weeks later, they had another interesting encounter. Spock was grading exams in his office late one evening when he received a private communication from a bartender asking him to pick Jim up from his bar after he consumed enough alcohol to give most humans alcohol poisoning. Although Cadet Uhura warned him that Jim most likely had a tendency to drink a lot, he has yet to see Jim overindulge. Jim usually only drank half of a beer during chess matches.

 

By the time he reached the bar on foot he remembered exactly what today is. Today was Jim's 25th birthday. However, as somebody who studied the Kelvin disaster intensely, he knew today was the day Jim lost his father 25 years ago. It would be hard for anybody to forget what today was because there were memorials going on around campus. Spock knew everybody would be commemorating the 25th anniversary of the incident. He knew people would be asking Jim inappropriate and painful questions that Jim could not handle.

 

Spock instantly decided to take Jim back to his apartment instead of the campus. Jim would have more privacy there. He quickly paid Jim's bill and half carried the young man out of the establishment. On the way back to his apartment Spock's assumptions were confirmed. Jim got completely inebriated so he did not have to deal with the ghost of his father.

 

As he attempted to remove Jim's cadet uniform once they reach his apartment Jim did the unexpected. He Kissed him. It was not the first time Spock engaged in a kiss with Jim. In the Vulcan tradition they have kiss 569 times by this point, six of those kisses occurred on the way back to his apartment that night alone.

 

This was the first time Jim kissed him in the human tradition. Even though he was completely under the influence of alcohol, that Spock could taste, Jim was very skilled. Spock could not help but kiss back as he felt Jim's tongue mingle with his. Things became more heated as the kissing became what on earth is refer to as a make out session. As soon as Jim tried to unzip Spock's pants, he realized his friend was not himself. Spock pulls away for a moment to figure out how to keep this situation from going further. He does not need to do such a thing because seconds later Jim falls unconscious in his arms.

 

Fortunately, for Spock, the next morning Jim remembers nothing of their make out session and Spock does not remind him. He does thanks Spock for taking care of him. He also kisses him in the Vulcan way. Spock is unwilling to think about the fact that he wishes for Jim to kiss him in the human way.

 

To Be Continued


	3. Maybe You Will Take Me by Surprise

It has been a few weeks since the incident where Jim kissed him the human way and so far, Jim has had no indication of remembering the incident. There has also been no other indications that Jim wanted their relationship to go beyond the human definition of friendship.

 

Jim did not try to engage in a human style kiss with Spock since the birthday incident. Spock told himself that he was not disappointed that such a thing had not occurred. Spock was also not jealous of any inanimate objects such as an apple that was allowed to make contact with those lips. He also did not stare intensely at those moments.

 

 

Since it was obvious Jim was only pursuing the human version of friendship with him, it seemed only logical to completely ignore the incident that occurred on Jim's birthday. His experience with Cadet X taught him that humans might engage in behaviors when intoxicated that they may not otherwise engage in. Jim sexual advances on his birthday were another example of this behavior in humans. Spock chose to ignore the ancient earth proverb about their "being truth in wine."

 

In the same vein Jim, starting to spend the night occasionally was not an indication of Jim wanting their relationship to go beyond the platonic. It was completely irrelevant. He will completely ignore certain physical reactions from Jim. It was perfectly normal for a human male to have an erection first thing in the morning. Spock told himself that it was not necessarily a sign that Jim was sexually attracted to him. Spock chooses to ignore the fact that every morning he spends a great deal of time and mental energy keeping himself from having an erection or any other outward sign of arousal. Spock is not attracted to Jim.

 

Spock chose to ignore the feelings of lust that roll off Jim every time they make physical contact. He tells himself that this is just a normal part of Jim's personality and it is not an indication of a desire to add a sexual component to their friendship beyond the kisses that they currently share.

 

Spock also chose to ignore the fact that he must spend a great deal of mental energy preventing an erection from occurring every time he sees Jim doing inappropriate things to a hard candy refer to on earth as a lollipop during one of their regular chess games. The last time this occurred, he diverted 21.2% of his mental energy to preventing his body from showing any outward signs of arousal. He must admit that he became so distracted by the way James tongue wrapped its way around the sugary apple flavor confection that he actually lost a game to Jim for the very first time.

 

This was the first time he actually saw a display of the extremely cocky behavior that Cadet Uhura warned Spock about. Spock was at a lost to determine if he found this behavior enchanting or highly irritating. It was fascinating nonetheless.

 

XXXXXXXXX

 

James took this cocky behavior of his into his second attempt at the Kobayashi Maru two days later. He was once again asked to observe because this was the first time a student has attempted to take the test a second time since Spock began programming it. Spock would not admit it to himself that he was planning on observing Jim anyway. He tells himself he was only there to observe Jim so that he may improve the test. He was not there to give Jim emotional support. Providing emotional support to Jim would be illogical.

 

Most people know that the Kobayashi Maru is not about winning. Some even know it is about facing fear and still performing. Of course, since he has become acquainted with Jim Kirk he has come to the conclusion that Jim is like no other human being he has ever met.

 

What most people don't know is that this is a test of leadership. People that can lead even when everything is falling apart are a rarity. The purpose of the test has always been to weed out those that are not qualified to be leaders.

 

44.3% of all cadets that take this exam walked into the room as if it is impossible for them to pass the simulation and therefore they do not even try. Historically 95.4% of these cadets never complete the command track program. 43.2% of cadets walk into the room as if they know it is impossible to win, but still try. Historically 18.3% of these students do not complete the command track. Of the remaining students, most of these believe it may be possible to beat the test until they actually take it. 98.2% of these cadets actually complete the command track.

 

None of them except for the cadet in front of him presently, truly believed that the simulation was real. Jim actually treated the simulation as a real crisis. He truly believe that he could win or more accurately save everyone. He was completely unwilling to believe that failure was possible.

 

This worried Spock for many reasons. Mostly it was Jim's inability to accept that death would be possible in a situation. He told himself that he was only worried about this because Jim was to be assigned to Enterprise. As the ship's future first officer, he must ensure that those on the crew did not have suicidal tendencies. (The car in the ravine incident did not count.) He was worried that Jim's reckless behavior will get him killed in the first week.

 

(Although Jim was unaware that he was assigned to the ship that inspired him to join Starfleet, Spock already knew this because he was the one who assigned him to the ship. His decision to assign Jim to Enterprise had nothing to do with his personal feelings for the cadet in question. Not that Vulcans had personal feelings. Jim was assigned to the ship solely based on Jim's remarkable skills. The fact that Spock would have a person on the ship that completely understood him was of no consequence.)

 

At the same time, he knows that Jim's inability to believe in no wins scenarios has kept him alive so far. From the moment he was born, Jim has proved repeatedly that there is no such thing as a hopeless situation. A premature baby born 10 weeks early in the middle of an evacuation should have died, but he did not.

 

If Jim believe there was no way out Jim would have never have survived Frank. If Jim believed in no wins scenarios, he probably would have been among the thousands dead on Tarsus IV. Because Jim did not believe any situation was truly hopeless he was still among the living. At that moment, Spock was grateful for that alone. Not that he would voice such a thing out loud. Gratefulness was an emotion. As a Vulcan he should not feel such a thing.

 

Spock knows Jim well enough now to know that there was something deeper than trying to win a test here. Jim was not running away and he was really trying to save everyone. This was shown by the fact he completely "fried" the simulation. He actually saw smoke coming from one of the computers.

 

Even though the outcome was the same, Jim prove that he learned from his mistakes. He tried a completely different strategy this time. He did nothing the same as he did the time before. As hard as he tried, he could not save everyone. He was able to save those on the ship, but died himself.

 

Just like last time Jim sat in the middle of the simulation going over every single thing he did wrong afterwards. Unlike last time, Jim threw a punch at the control console. This time he wasn't sure if Jim was talking to himself or to him. He told Jim that he would be observing him.

 

No other student has ever truly analyzed the test like this. They were usually out the door the moment it was over. Then again, Jim was the only person so far that has asked to take the exam a second time that Spock has observed. He already has a feeling that Jim will be the first person to take the test for a third time.

 

After allowing Jim to "let off some steam" as is the expression on earth, he realizes that Jim will not leave the room of his own free will. Instead of sending in a student to do it, he decides to get Jim out of the room himself. Spock wordlessly grabbed Jim's hand and pulled him out of the chair. He allowed Jim to hold his hand as they left the simulation area.

 

Even if he was not a touch telepath, Spock could notice Jim's troubled emotions. He felt Jim's need for comfort. Therefore, he is perfectly willing to give Jim comfort in any way possible. Even if it was sharing a kiss in the middle of the simulation lab or holding his hand as they walked out of the lab.

 

It is the first time Spock has allowed Jim to engage in such intimate contact in public. Most people on earth do not understand the intimacy of direct hand-to-hand contact for Vulcans. He did not really care if anyone recognized the symbol for what it really was. Spock does not contemplate the fact that if most people on earth do not understand the true meaning of direct hand-to-hand contact with the Vulcan, then Jim may not be aware that they are kissing.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Spock was shocked that Jim was willing to accept his invitation to come to his apartment. When Jim mentioned the desire to get "completely trashed" as the humans put it he expressed his concern. However, he did not tell Jim exactly what happened the last time Jim consumed vast quantities of alcohol.

 

He did take note of the fact that Jim was completely unaware that alcohol had no affect on Vulcan physiology. He decided not to analyze what other possible gaps Jim could have in his knowledge of Vulcan biology.

 

After their obligatory discussion about the test, they decided to watch a film. The Fact that he was willing to discuss the historical inaccuracies of 20th and 21st century cinema was of no consequence.

 

It also meant nothing that he was again willing to eat Jim's favorite junk food pizza. He saw no importance to the fact that Jim started eating a vegetarian friendly spinach and feta pizza in Spock's presents instead of his favorite pepperoni pizza.

 

There is no significant meaning to the fact that they decided to watch these old films in Spock's room instead of on the screen in the living room. There is no meaning whatsoever in the fact that Jim has gotten into the habit of using Spock's torso as his own personal pillow. There is also nothing whatsoever unusual about the fact that at some point Spock puts his hand on Jim's. It is completely irrelevant that they usually fall asleep on the bed together. There is nothing unusual whatsoever about the fact that they will usually wake up together completely entangled.

 

Again, he does not take notice of Jim's morning erection. As usual, he tells himself that a human male having an erection in the morning does not signify sexual interest in another party.

 

XXXXXXX

 

Three days later, if he were not Vulcan, he would have cursed himself for showing any affection to Jim whatsoever in public. One of the few people who knew the true significance of Spock grabbing Jim's hand several days previously witnessed everything. They also saw the kissing. They were also aware that Spock allowed Jim to hold his hand, which on Vulcan is considered 'third base'.

 

The fact that it was Cadet Uhura, who still had a non-platonic interest in Spock, made the situation much more intolerable. Fortunately, the cadet chose to confront Spock during his office hours instead of a class filled with students. That was the only positive thing so far.

 

"I thought you said you didn't date students. Was that just an excuse? I saw you making out with Jim, by your standards, in the simulation lab." She practically yelled at him.

 

"Not that it is any of your business, but I am not dating Cadet Kirk." That statement is somewhat true. 

 

On Vulcan, they would actually be considered engaged by this point if a mental bond had occurred. He was also aware that in some cultures on earth their behavior was well within the parameters of a couple that was engaging in a courtship ritual. However even if he and Cadet Kirk were dating, it was none of Cadet Uhura's "business" as humans would say.

 

"Of course, you're not dating. This is Jim Kirk. Jim Kirk doesn't date. He just fucks a lot. He's nothing but a conceited slut. He's probably trying to pass your linguistics class on his back."

 

It is very difficult to trigger anger in a Vulcan or really any emotion for that matter. Yet her words did just that. The only time previously he felt these turbulent emotions was when a certain classmate said inappropriate things about his mother. Recently he heard that individual still has difficulty breathing despite the corrective surgery to rectify the problem created when Spock broke his nose.

 

"You will not use that vulgar language in my presence, especially in relation to one of your classmates." He said an octet higher than normal. "What I do or do not do with Cadet Kirk is of no consequence to you. Academy regulations preclude me from engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship with any student who is directly under my instruction. However, because Cadet Kirk is not one of my students he would not fall under that regulation unlike you cadet."

 

He tried to walk away from her but she grabbed his arm. He turned around more at her next words then her physical contact. It would be impossible for a human female to be able to stop a full-grown Vulcan male.

 

"He is not in any of your classes because he doesn't have the intellectual capacity to understand half the things you teach." If he were human, he would probably point out the fact that Jim spoke better Klingon than he did due to his mom's job. However because he is a Vulcan he would not be that petty.

 

"Your opinions about someone you do not know is disturbing at best. It is best not to judge someone so harshly based solely on one experience. How do you expect to do your job properly when you become a communications officer if you automatically judge people by such illogical standards?"

 

"I'm not being judgmental. His reputation precedes him." Spock is well aware that Jim's reputation precedes him. He also is well aware that the rumors are just that, rumors.

 

People assume that just because Jim looks at her or him, he is interested in having sexual intercourse with her or him. Jim is sexual by nature. However, Spock knows for a fact that the only bed Jim has been in recently was Spock and he is quite certain that no sexual intercourse has occurred.

 

Spock chooses not to meditate on the fact that he is somewhat disappointed by that fact. However, disappointment is an emotion of sorts. He will not feel any emotion such as disappointment. He refuses to let himself feel anything such as lust, longing, or possibly even love in relationship to Jim.

 

"I'm just worried about you. I'm your friend and I don't want you to get hurt." As she said this last line he felt her make direct skin contact with his forearm. He felt a combination of jealousy and lust with a little concern, which was mostly masked by her jealousy. This upsets him.

 

"Contrary to your point of view, I am quite capable of taking care of myself. Again, my relationship with Cadet Kirk is of no consequence to you. If you make me choose between your friendship and his, you will be sadly disappointed by my choice." With that, he left her behind.

 

Three days later, he did not have Jim attend his weekly study session as an assistant for some of the students having difficulty with the language solely for the purposes of proving to Cadet Uhura that Jim is much more than what he appears. He simply wanted the students to benefit from someone who spent several months on that planet learning about the language first hand.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Her words did not discourage him from spending more time with Jim. Actually, they had the opposite effect. He started to spend more time with Jim. In addition to the nightly chess games or general "hanging out" as the humans term it, he started having lunch with Jim in his office three or four times a week.

 

He was perfectly willing to eat lunch with Jim in the student cafeteria, but he preferred the privacy of his office. This had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Jim had a tendency to lick certain food substances off of his fingers during these meals. His desire to have private lunchtime with Jim also had nothing to do with engaging in extreme physical contact that would be considered pornographic on Vulcan.

 

He did flash back to the feel of Jim's mouth on his 3.4 weeks earlier when he engaged in a drunken human kiss with the cadet that was an obvious prelude to sexual intercourse. Spock did not think about what other appendages he would like Jim to suck. Spock's heart rate did not increase as he thought about these things. That would be unseemly for a Vulcan. He conveniently forgets at these moments that he is half-human.

 

His desire to spend lunch alone with Jim also had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Spock wanted Jim's attention completely to himself. If they ate in the student cafeteria, eventually some woman (or man) would proposition him or Jim. He did not want this to occur because it would ruin the mood, not that it would upset him greatly to see Jim flirt with someone else. Even if Jim did choose to flirt with someone in front of Spock, it is of no consequence. Vulcans do not get jealous.

 

XXXXXXX

 

Over the next month Jim started spending more time at Spock's apartment. He told himself this is only logical because his apartment was much more conducive to studying then Jim's tiny dorm room surrounded by first-year students who will most likely die of alcohol poisoning before they even received their first commission. It had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact Spock enjoyed spending time with Jim beyond what is normal for two friends.

 

Spock did not examine the fact that he was perfectly comfortable sitting at the dining room table grading tests as Jim studied for his exams. Spock did not over analyze the fact that he started grading his papers at his apartment instead of his office so that he had more time to spend with Jim. He also did not analyze the fact that Jim started studying at Spock's apartment instead of in the library or in his tiny dorm room. Spock did not take note when they started doing this in his bedroom instead of in the dining room. Spock thought nothing of the fact that Jim would use his torso again as a pillow as he studied for his exam for advance tactical command.

 

Spock did not find it strange when Jim started spending the night 85.71% of the time. He told himself that this was perfectly logical because it would be illogical for Jim to go back to his apartment at 0200 hours after they watched a movie marathon or Spock helped Jim study for his exam.

 

It was all so perfectly logical for Jim to share Spock's bed. He would be being a bad host if he made Jim sleep on the floor. Spock did not think about the fact that his couch was what is refer to as a convertible in standard and therefore could be made into a bed for Jim.

 

Jim's sleeping in his bed had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Spock enjoyed waking Up next to Jim. Spock is absolutely 100% sure his desire had nothing whatsoever to do with him seeing Jim in a romantic context even though he must spend more and more time each day preventing himself from having a visible outward sign of arousal. He also did not enjoy sleeping with Jim because he usually ended up curled around him at some point during the night.

 

On the days when it happened the other way around, Spock tells himself that the obvious erection digging into his backside is not a sign of any sexual attraction on Jim's part. Spock has been telling himself that particular thing more often lately as he ignores the increased time that Jim spends in the shower.

 

Spock also does not accidentally here Jim say his name in something that sounds like a moan when he is inside the shower. Their relationship is purely platonic.

 

He ignored the fact that more and more of Jim's possessions ended up in Spock's apartment. At first it was things like the brand new antique chess set, that Jim acquired for himself, being left at Spock's apartment because they were more likely to use it there. Eventually Spock started coming across more and more video files that obviously came from Jim's collection.

 

After Jim started spending the night occasionally, a toothbrush and various toiletry items that Jim preferred managed to make their way into Spock's bathroom. A few weeks later, a spare cadet uniform and various articles of civilian clothing made their way to Spock's apartment. Earlier that morning, if it were not for superior Vulcan reflexes, he would have tripped and fell over Jim's retro Nikes in their bedroom. Spock chooses to ignore the fact that he just referred to the bedroom as "theirs".

 

Unfortunately, due to the fact that Jim kept leaving things in Spock's apartment he was forced to come out of his self imposed denial about Jim's feelings for him. Due to Starfleet's agreement with Nokia, almost all PADDs used by cadets and instructors look identical. Instead of picking up his PADD this morning, Spock picked up Jim's. However, Spock did not realize this until he unlocked the devise and saw a file labeled strategy to beat Kobayashi Maru.

 

In all honesty, that was not the actual name of the file and it was highly encrypted. However, due to his knowledge of Jim and his own computer skills he was able to access the file quite easily. If it were not technically cheating, he would be proud with the amount of thought in pre planning Jim put into this. Not that he would ever show pride because that was an emotion.

 

Jim essentially bribed another student to enter a subroutine into the program that will change the parameters of the test, making it possible if one is skilled enough to save everyone. It was not an outright win, but it changed the parameters of Spock's program so that a win was at least possible.

 

Spock did not contemplate the significance of the fact that Jim chose to utilize the services of another student to employ the program instead of simply putting the program directly into the device Spock will use to update the program. Jim had access to the device. Spock actually let him use that particular piece of equipment three days ago to study for a class when Jim accidentally left his PADD in his room. Why did Jim not use that opportunity to implant the subroutine?

 

Then he remembered Jim's words from the night he failed the second time. Jim specifically told Spock not to ask questions. Jim specifically said Spock needed to have "plausible deniability". That was when he realized Jim was specifically making sure that Spock could not get in trouble for his actions. Spock was at a loss for why Jim would do such a thing for approximately 42.3 seconds.

 

At that time, Spock's fingers slipped and he accidentally open a file labeled "sexy Vulcan professor". Due to his ability to speed read, he was completely aware of the entire contents of the file in approximately 69.6 seconds.

 

He learned the following: for the entire three weeks between their initial meeting and when Jim declared his interest in being Spock's friend, Jim refer to him as "Sexy Vulcan Professor". Second, Jim found him very aesthetically pleasing and wished to engage in sexual intercourse with him from their initial contact alone.

 

Third, Jim was completely unaware that they were kissing every time they made hand contact. However, Jim did feel that same electric shock every time Jim touched him. Fourth, even though after more than seven months of friendship Jim still has feelings of a sexual nature for Spock. Finally, Jim will not act on these feelings because he values Spock's friendship too much to do anything.

 

If Vulcans could feel shock, that would be the only applicable word to describe Spock's current state of mental well being. Spock quickly concluded that he was lying to himself every time he said there was nothing to Jim's physical reactions of arousal or many of the other ways they behaved around each other.

 

Unfortunately, Spock did not have time to contemplate what this all meant because Cadet Uhura showed up to his office to let him know that she just found his "boyfriend" underneath her roommates bed.

 

To Be Continued


	4. Talking to Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vampire wine graciously reviewed this chapter for me. Thank you for all your assistance.

He was not shocked by Cadet Uhura's words and it was not because Vulcans do not feel shock. He was not even surprise that she came to see him. Her recent pattern of behavior pointed to the fact that she would use any little transgression on Jim's part to convince Spock to end his relationship with Jim. Her jealousy has become quite self evident to Spock. It is drowning out all of her other emotions.

 

Maybe if he did not know of Jim's tendency to play in to people's preconceived notions about him, Spock would believe that Jim was engaging in sexual intercourse with Cadet Gaila. Maybe if Spock were not aware of Jim's tendency to flirt with Cadet Uhura for the sole purpose of irritating her he would have believed her accusations about Jim still engaging in sexual intercourse with other individuals. However, Spock knows better.

 

Now that he was aware that Cadet Gaila was Jim's co-conspirator in his attempt to reprogram the simulation he instantly understood what Jim was doing. Jim did not want any connection to the cadet if this went wrong. It was probably the same reason he was taking great care to make sure there was no possible connection to Spock. Jim was not going to bring anybody else down with him for this stunt.

 

Supposedly, Cadet Uhura told him about Jim's actions in the name of friendship. He almost rolled his eyes when she said this. Spock did not need to touch her to know her true motives. They became apparent the moment she suggested that he leave Jim behind for someone more "suitable".

 

It became obvious that she believed that she was the one best suited for him. She tried to grab his hand to kiss him, but he pulled his arm back. Spock wanted nothing to do with her at that moment. He felt a pulse of anger at the fact that she was using their friendship as a means to secure a sexual relationship with him.

 

"Cadet, I have told you time and time again that my relationship with James is none of your concern. I value your friendship, but it is impossible for us to have more than that." He said calmly as he took a step back from her.

 

Spock does not teller it is impossible for him and her to have anything more than a friendship because she does not respect his boundaries. Jim does.

 

Spock does not tell her it is impossible for the two of them to be more than friends because she refuses to see Jim as anything other than the guy who hit on her in a bar in Iowa. In contrast, it is obvious that Jim sees past their initial encounter.

 

Spock does not tell her it is impossible for the two to be lovers because she really does not know him at all, when Jim knows everything.

 

At the moment, Spock realizes how true that statement is. It took awhile but he eventually tells Jim the real reason why he turns everybody down when they approach him to engage in sexual activities. A few days ago, after Jim sat in on one of his language groups to assist some of the students, Cadet Uhura came up to him again and invited him for "coffee" for the 57th time. After he declined and Jim made some joke about Spock preferring "coffee time" with him that caused her to walk away angrily, Jim finally asked him why he rejects all of her advances.

 

"I just don't get it. She's hot. Underneath that ice queen exterior, I'm sure there is a nice person. Why do you keep saying no?"

 

"She is my student. It would be improper for me to engage in a sexual relationship with her." Spock said in his normal tone.

 

"So you won't have sex with a student?" Jim asked with an unusual look on his face.

 

"It would not be proper."

 

Looking back on it now he probably should have clarified his statement. From the file he read on Jim's PADD, it is obvious that Jim interpreted Spock's words to mean he would not engage in sexual intercourse with any cadet. In reality, Spock will not engage in sexual relations with a student who is in one of his classes. Jim is a different matter entirely. He is not one of his students.

 

Spock now wished he had clarified that statement. Maybe things would be a lot simpler right now. Instead of clarifying that day, he preceded to tell Jim the very sordid history of his love life.

 

"If it makes you feel better I think we slept with the same homophobic self hating dick. Cupcake did the same thing to me, but I was still in Iowa at the time. I can't believe it took the guy that long just to finished the academy. Don't worry about it. I hacked into his personal address book and sent all his conquest a warning about contracting hepatitis O and HIV 269 from him using Bones's e-mail account when we were roommates first year. I don't think Cupcake has gotten laid with anyone since that incident." If he were not Vulcan, Spock would have laughed. However, Vulcans do not laugh at such petty things. It would be unseemly.

 

"I feel that is an adequate punishment for his actions." Spock said with a slight up turning of his lips that may or may not be interpreted as a smile.

 

"I'm sure it's beyond adequate. Just so you know, not everybody on earth is like that. I am a proud pansexual myself. Some people are just stuck in the past."

 

"If I was not aware of your sexual encounters with other men, I would assume you were heterosexual based on rumors alone."

 

"Apparently, I am better at picking male partners than female ones. The men I have slept with don't gossip nearly as much." That's when Jim took Spock's hand in a gesture of comfort that in Spock's mind was almost a sexual advance. Maybe it was anyway.

 

"I can understand why you're a little bit wary to date anyone. I am kind of the same way. The first girl I slept with when I was 16 only went out with me because I was George Kirk's son." Spock could pick up Jim's sadness and frustration instantly. It pulse through him so strongly that he could not completely shield himself if he tried.

 

"That is most unfortunate." Spock said as he almost pulled Jim into a human hug.

 

"Unfortunately, that wasn't the last time it happened. It just became easier to hook up with random people. I rather have someone sleep with me because they think I'm a cheap slut then who my daddy was." Again he felt Jim's sadness pulse through him as they walked back to Spock's apartment to play a game of chess as Jim shared his relationship horror stories.

 

There was one incident involving a set of fraternal twins, an easily irritated bull, and an angry father that Spock found quite amusing. Not that Vulcans find anything amusing. That would be improper.

 

Spock did not repress another smile as he nestled his head in Jim's shoulder that evening as they shared more secrets. Thinking about it now he should have saw some significance in the way Jim held onto him as they fell asleep together that night. Maybe he should of saw something more in the fact that Jim shared even more of his own relationship horror stories with him as they watched an old earth science fiction TV show. It was Jim's favorite show from that time period. The two main characters were obviously in love with each other but the producers of the show were too afraid to say it out loud because of the blatant homophobia of 20th century earth.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

On earth, they say hindsight is 20/20. He never understood that statement truly until now. Up until that very moment with Cadet Uhura, he believed his feelings for Jim were entirely platonic even though he was now aware that Jim's were not for the last 10.7 minutes.

 

In the past, Spock completely ignored the way his body pulsed with a single touch from Jim. He completely ignored that for the past 7.8 months his body has been in a perpetual state of arousal in Jim's presence. He ignored the fact that by Vulcan standards he and Jim had been dating for several months. Dating was an understatement. It is more like they were "courting" to use that old earth term.

 

He ignored the fact that he felt empty when Jim was not around. He ignored everything Jim made him feel using his Vulcan heritage as an excuse. Yet with a simple question from Cadet Uhura, he was forced to examine the way things really were.

 

"Are you in love with him?" It was his impulse to deny her. Yet he could not because he was not completely sure if it was untrue. He did not have time to deny her accusation anyway because she continued speaking. "Obviously you are. That's why you're letting him cheat on you with my roommate. That's why you can't let go of him. You are completely head over heels in love with him. You deserve someone who loves you completely." That is when she tried to kiss him the human way. He never enjoyed Vulcan superior speed more than in that moment as he physically pushed her away from him.

 

"Again my relationship with Cadet Kirk is none of your business. I already knew that my boyfriend was studying with your roommate." He could not believe that he actually refered to Jim as his boyfriend, but the standard definition of the word friend did not apply in this context. He was already aware that Jim was more than his friend by the human definition of the word.

 

His statement to her was true. He knew exactly where Jim was even before he discovered that file on Jim's PADD. In passing, Jim mentioned that he would be studying for one of his exams with Cadet Uhura's roommate. That in itself should have signified that they were planning something. Spock is convinced the only reason why Jim studies with him is so he can use Spock's stomach as a pillow. As the thought forms in his mind he realizes that he should have became aware of Jim's feelings regarding him a long time ago. Actually, he should have became aware of Jim's feelings for him the moment Jim started making up crazy excuses to spend more time together. It was obvious that Jim did not need tutoring in about half the classes that he asked Spock for assistance in.

 

"Studying" so that's what they're calling it now. He's cheating on you with my roommate. Are you that clueless? He's no good for you." She said bringing his attention back to the situation at hand.

 

"Yet he respects my boundaries and personal wishes more than you ever have. You said yourself that you did not see Jim or your roommate engaging in sexual intercourse. Your roommate was also fully dressed and surrounded by study materials. My boyfriend was also fully dressed when you found him underneath your roommate's bed. I believe you were the only one in your underwear. I don't know why you chose to share that fact. I seriously doubt that Jim would have told me his exact location if he was engaging in the activities that you suggested."

 

"Then why was he hiding underneath her bed, if they were just studying? Why did he flirt with me as he practically ran from the room?"

 

Because Jim doesn't want you to find out that he is conspiring with your roommate to hack into the Kobayashi Maru simulation to reprogram it. He does not consider it cheating anymore because Jim's modifications to the program do not automatically guarantee a win, but merely the possibility of a win. Actually, that makes the simulation more realistic because Spock will concede to Jim's argument that no situation is truly 100% hopeless. However, Spock sees no point whatsoever in enlightening Cadet Uhura to the real reason why Jim was in her quarters this afternoon.

 

"I believe my boyfriend is engaging in what you humans refer to as "messing with your head". Due to his extraordinary intelligence, he's quite good at it." With that he left the confuse linguist behind.

 

XXXXXX

 

Spock spent the normally 18.3 minute walk from his office to his apartment thinking about the last seven months. Was Cadet Uhura's accusation true? Did he love James? Just as important, did Jim love him? Spock was uncertain.

 

Many times before he thought he was in love only to find out it wasn't real. The pain of personal experience taught him that. He did not know if he could suffer such a thing with Jim.

 

Conversely, he has been under the impression that many people loved him only to find out their love was shallow or superficial. Cadet Uhura was just another example of a person who said they loved him, but did not. If she did love him, she would respect his wishes. If she did love him, she would not be constantly trying to break up his relationship with Jim (whatever that relationship may be.)

 

The only way he will find the answer to this question is to approach this situation in a logical way. He must look at all the evidence rationally and logically to come to a conclusion. He must not allow the emotions that he says he does not have cloud his judgment. Yet because love is an emotion itself, he wonders if it is possible to perform a true empirical analysis of the situation.

 

The first question he asked himself was if he enjoyed spending time with Jim? The answer to that was an obvious yes. If he did not he would never have agreed to play a second chess match with Jim. He obviously would not practically rearrange his entire schedule to spend more time with Jim.

 

They eat lunch together almost every day now. Spock should have known something was up when Jim said he was going to be studying with a fellow student. 96.26% of the time Jim studies in Spock's presents. Just last night Spock went over Jim's study guide with him.

 

At the time, Spock told himself it was in his best interest to make sure that Jim past this class so he would be on the Enterprise with him in a few months. That statement was true, but now he realizes his motives were not that pure. He not only helps Jim because he needs him to be with him on Enterprise, but also because he enjoys spending time with him now.

 

Spock knows that Jim must enjoy spending time with him just as much because he has rearranged his schedule to spend a lot of time with Spock. He knows that Jim no longer hangs out at bars or the other establishments that he was known to frequent before their acquaintance. 6.7 days ago Spock over heard Jim reject an invitation to hang out with his friend he refers to as "Bones" (what an illogical name for an individual) to spend more time with Jim.

 

Spock found himself hard pressed to actually remember the last time Jim or himself spent the night alone in recent memory. Although most of the time Jim stays at his apartment, at least once a week Spock has found himself waking up on Jim's very tiny dorm room bed with Jim wrapped protectively around him. He found himself enjoying waking up with Jim every morning, which they have been doing for the past 2.2 weeks.

 

Before he would have argued that because he was Vulcan, he did not feel enjoyment. However, in the interest of true self-honesty he must admit he does feel enjoyment. He blames it on the fact that he is half-human. He also blames it on the fact that Jim makes him feel.

 

That in itself is another piece of evidence. No one else has ever made him feel before to this extent. He is happy when he sees Jim smile. He is happy when they wake up in bed together. He is happy when they eat lunch together. He is happy when he receives a text message from Jim in the middle of one of his lectures, even though it is distracting. He is happy when Jim makes inappropriate jokes when they are watching movies together. He is happy when Jim studies for an examine on his bed with his head lying on Spock's stomach. Happiness and contentment is an emotion that Jim has no trouble whatsoever eliciting from him.

 

Also, he knows that he makes Jim happy. It is obvious because Jim smiles 79.3% of the time in Spock's presents. Spock can feel the happiness and contentment every time he touches Jim. It has become almost as common as the lust that radiated from Jim in the beginning of their relationship (whatever that relationship may be.) Is it absolutely necessary to put a label on their relationship? He does not understand the human practice of trying to categorize every type of relationship. There is a reason why the Vulcan word for friend can also mean lover.

 

The other emotion that he feels in high quantities around Jim is irritation. He is irritated when Jim does not apply himself. Jim has a brilliant mind. Jim can speak several languages and understand complex mathematics almost as easily as Spock himself. Yet he plays dumb.

 

For example, a few weeks ago after the midterm incident in the class Jim refers to as "Genocide 101" Spock asked to observe the class. Jim spent the entire class sending him text messages or taking what is refer to on earth as "cat naps" (Spock does not understand the etymology of the term. How can Jim's sleeping habits in class resembled that of a earth feline.)

 

When students behave that way in Spock's classes he usually assumes that they are not paying attention and will most likely fail his class. His assumptions are proven right during exams 98.2453% of the time. However, Jim was able to tell him verbatim what was said in class. Jim became irritated with Spock when he gave him another lecture on applying himself.

 

Spock was irritated 27.264 minutes ago when he found out that Jim was purposely plotting to "cheat" on his test that he has been working on tirelessly for several years. In the effort of being completely honest during this analysis Spock will confess that he was beyond irritated, he was angry.

 

However, his anger was tempered by the pride he felt at Jim's ability to think creatively and have the skills needed to actually be able to beat the program Spock created.

 

He is also sure that Jim will be irritated with him when he finds out that Spock has derailed his plan. Although Spock no longer sees Jim reprogramming the test as cheating, he is sure the Admiralty will not see it that way. There is no way he will let his boyf—Jim get expelled for something so childish. Someone has to protect his boyf—Jim from his own stupidity.

 

Spock also felt anger or irritation every time Jim flirted with another individual. Again, in the interest of being totally honest in these reflections he will confess that anger is more akin to jealousy. He did growl at his neighbor when Jim flirt with her because he was jealous. He did growl at Cadet Chapel 4.2 days ago when she tried to talk to Jim in his presence.

 

If he was not aware of the true nature of Jim's purpose for being with Cadet Gaila this afternoon he would probably be jealous of their interactions. If he was jealous of these other women receiving attention from Jim then it is only logical to assume that he desires attention from Jim. Not just the attention that comes from a very crucial friendship, but the same attention that Jim gives to those that he finds sexually attractive.

 

He can see that Jim displays a very similar behavior pattern every time someone tries to flirt with him. In Jim's defense he is much more skilled at controlling his jealousy then Cadet Uhura. Jim has done nothing whatsoever to prevent him from keeping his friendship with the Cadet. He even convinced Spock to put her on the Enterprise once he found out Spock was in charge of assigning the new Cadets to the ships (oddly enough Jim did not ask to be assigned to Enterprise, which is one of the reasons why he did assign Jim to that ship.)

 

Connected to this jealousy is also feeling possessive of Jim. He has caught himself referring to James as "his" 29 times in the last 3.2 weeks. He assumed these possessive feelings related strictly to friendship. Now that he is no longer in a perpetual state of denial, he realizes that his possessive feelings in relation to Jim Kirk are not of a platonic nature. Also the fact that during these reflections he has almost refer to Jim as his boyfriend twice before correcting himself shows that he wishes to have Jim as his boyfriend by the human definition of the term.

 

The desire for Jim to be his boyfriend is connected to the obvious lust and sexual attraction that he encounters every time he is in proximity to the object of his affections (he is now willing to admit that there is some affection involved in his feelings for Jim.) He will now confess to himself that he finds Jim aesthetically pleasing.

 

Spock will also acknowledge that his Vulcan control is tested every time he is in close proximity to Jim. Every touch, kiss, smile, or wiggle of the eyebrow causes Spock to fill a spike of arousal that is all consuming. Spock will now admit to himself that being in a constant state of arousal around Jim obviously means that his feelings for him are non-platonic.

 

Spock enjoyed kissing Jim by both the human and Vulcan definitions of the word. He is now fully aware that Jim was unaware that they have kissed 1223 times over the last seven months. (This figure does not include any hand holding "make out" sessions. If he did count each one of those kisses as separate the figure above would be significantly higher.) Spock's body feels as if it is on fire every time he receives a kiss from Jim in this manner. Thanks to accidentally finding that file he is now aware that Jim feels the exact same way even if he does not understand the significance of the gesture. He will enlighten Jim to that tonight.

 

Spock will also now admit, if only to himself, that allowing Jim or anybody to kiss him that many times is an obvious sign that their relationship goes beyond the human definition of friendship. It would be so much easier on Vulcan because the term friend and lover are interchangeable. It was illogical to think that allowing a human to engage in such a behavior did not mean something else.

 

He also found that he enjoyed kissing Jim the human way. In the past when Spock has engaged in human kissing, he has not truly understood what was so great about the practice. They were usually sloppy and extremely unhygienic. He saw nothing romantic or loving about the exchange of saliva, especially if one's partner was sick. Vulcan kissing practices were so much more practical and logical. Yet because his partners were human, he engaged in this practice for their sake, but he received no enjoyment.

 

After Jim Kirk kissed him the human way on Jim's 25th birthday Spock finally understood why humans found kissing orally so stimulating and enjoyable. For once, Spock felt the same electric shock when he touched Jim's lips as when he made contact with Jim's fingers. He was so caught up with the feel of Jim that he did not think about how unhygienic the practice was.

 

Spock will admit that he was sexually aroused by the activity. That has never happened before with him during human kissing. Although that could be contributed to the fact that Jim was much more skill at kissing then any of his previous partners. He had no idea that having his tongue sucked on like that could be so stimulating.

 

Usually it is only direct hand-to-hand contact that causes physical arousal in him. He felt his mind explode with the contact of their tongues and lips. It made him wonder what would happen if their minds were ever to touch completely. This enjoyment generated from human kissing is why Spock allowed it to become what the humans call a "make out session."

 

Spock will also come clean about his uneasiness about breaking the embrace that night. Despite his usual superior Vulcan control, he will admit that in that moment he lost all control and allow blood to flow to his genitals causing an erection. If Jim did not pass out, they probably would have engaged in sexual intercourse. Therefore, it is logical to conclude that he is sexually attracted to Jim.

 

According to the file he accidentally read, Jim finds him sexually attractive. This should have been very obvious by the way Jim has become very skilled at strategically placing PDAs or other objects in front of his crotch in an effort to keep Spock unaware of his obvious erection. Unfortunately, Jim could not hide this evidence from him when they were lying together on Spock's bed.

 

The same voice that has been telling him all along that their relationship is purely platonic is also telling him now that Jim's reaction is perfectly normal. Jim finds everyone sexually attractive and wants to engage in sexual activities with everyone. However, that's all he wants. Spock finds this voice sounds strangely like a certain female Cadet that wishes to engage in sexual intercourse with him at this very moment.

 

He pushes that voice away from his mind. Spock knows that Jim has much more self control than that and he really does care about him. Spock knows that Jim has not engaged in sexual intercourse with anybody for 5.23 months. He knew about the last time Jim had sexual intercourse with anybody because Jim told him.

 

However, Jim left out certain very important details such as the fact he was unable to achieve an erection unless he pretended his partner was Spock. Jim also may have said Spock's name at a very crucial moment and was kicked out of a room by a very angry colleague of Spock's who has been giving Spock strange looks for the past 5.17 months on campus.

 

Also, in the Sexy Vulcan Professor file Jim states that he can only engage in "private time" if he is thinking about Spock. Spock is not entirely sure what the term "private time" means, but from the context he assumes it is some sort of sexual activity that is done alone. Therefore, it is logical to assume that Jim is also sexually attracted to him for reasons other than the fact that he is supposedly sexually attracted to everyone. In addition, it is illogical to assume that a person can be sexually attracted to everyone.

 

Sexual attraction is not love. The second time he thought he found love it was merely that, sexual attraction. By human standards he was only 17 at the time when he lost his virginity to "The Roommate". He is wiser now and he knows better. Sexual attraction is a part of T'hy'la love but it is not the only part.

 

The other two components of T'hy'la love: friendship and a familial like closeness are just as crucial as the sexual love, if not more.

 

He knows the friendship is there. The friendship he has with Jim is unlike anything he has ever experienced in his entire life. It is the closest relationship he has had with another person in his entire existence. The presence of Jim in his life has completely changed his outlook on everything.

 

At this point, Spock is unable to contemplate an existence without Jim. He feels empty when they are not around each other. This friendship is so precious to him that he is afraid to risk it for temporary sexual gratification.

 

What if they're not sexually compatible? What if once they add a sexual component to their relationship the friendship that has become almost life sustaining becomes non-existent? Spock could not bear the thought of not having Jim in his life in some capacity.

 

Spock knows from the sexy Vulcan professor documents that Jim has the exact same fears. That is why he has not push for their relationship to go beyond what it is at present. This fact makes Spock care about him even more. If such a thing where possible.

 

It was obvious to Spock that the other component is there as well. He feels a closeness with Jim that he has never shared with anybody before. Jim has become like the brother he never had even though he technically had a genetic half brother. He can share his deepest secrets with Jim. He trusts Jim implicitly, which is why he did not believe Cadet Uhura's accusations at all. He also knows, although he was unwilling to admit it until now, that he can trust Jim with his heart.

 

If he were human, Spock would say that Jim was the other half of his soul. Those were the words that Jim use to describe him in the file that he accidentally downloaded earlier. As he turned the door to his apartment 43.6 minutes after he left the Linguist in his office he remembered that the other definition of T'hy'la in standard is soul mate.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXX

 

As Spock walks into his apartment after his forced honesty he is still unsure if it is really love. Before he became as the humans say "jaded" by his past experiences he could easily identify the emotion, but now he is uncertain. He does not know if he can trust his judgment in this regard.

 

He decides to distract himself from his reflections on his feelings for Jim and Jim's feelings for him by making arrangements to derail Jim's plan to "cheat" on the Kobayashi Maru. The first thing he does is called Jim's co-conspirator and let her know that the plan is off. During the call she assures him that contrary to her roommate's assumptions about her she can get through one study session without trying to screw her partner. She also assures him that she has no intentions whatsoever to steal his boyfriend.

 

Even Cadet Gaila could see that their relationship was more than platonic before he did. He asked her why she believes that to be so and she responded with the fact that Jim spent almost the entire time talking about him despite the pheromones. He wished her farewell right after he asked her to send him a copy of the subroutine for further analysis.

 

He then calls his assistant and makes him adjust the times of the students taking the test tomorrow so that he can observe a modification that he has made to the program.

 

If Cadet Kirk enters the modified subroutine into the program it is considered cheating. If Spock does the reprogramming, it is considered a legitimate modification of the test. To prove that point Jim will be the fourth student that day to take the test after the modification is made. Spock will also make sure that his boyfriend would be completely unaware that the unbeatable test was now winnable if someone tried hard enough.

 

Now that Spock was done preparing for the next day, he was stuck with his quandary from earlier. Did he and Jim love each other? He did not trust his judgment. When it came to Jim Kirk his judgment was usually compromised which explained why he was reprogramming the "un-winnable test" just to make it winnable. Spock honestly wondered how Jim Kirk managed to convince him that no wins scenarios were illogical.

 

It was obvious that he needed the advice of a third party not connected to the situation. It was at that moment Spock really realize how few friends he had on campus. He had many acquaintances among those that he worked with or taught, but he had very few friends. Jim and Cadet Uhura were the only two people he was close enough to talk about something like this with. However, both were too close to the situation to give unbiased analysis.

 

He would not talk to Jim about his feelings for him until he knows himself. There is also a 95.6% chance that Spock will jump Jim on site now that he knows that they are both sexually attracted to each other before any such conversation could possibly take place (he is unable to behave logically when in Jim's presence.)

 

Therefore, there was only one individual he could talk to about this particular predicament. He quickly looked at the clock and mentally calculated what time it would be on the planet of his birth before he placed the call.

 

"Spock are you well?" His mom asked before giving a greeting.

 

"Hello mother, I am well. How are you doing? Why did you inquire about my health so quickly?"

 

"You usually do not call me this late unless something is wrong. Usually I contact you."

 

"Nothing is physically wrong with me. I am just conflicted." He said not having any idea what phrase to use regarding his feelings for Jim.

 

"You wish to speak to me about this conflict you are experiencing?"

 

"Not exactly mother. How does one know if they are in love?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read the last chapter. If you want to read Spock’s conversation with Amanda please check out the separate story There Is No Logic in Love. This is the last part of the Unmistakably T'hy'la story arc but not the end of the entire story.
> 
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> Thank you to Teddy Bear for being my beta.
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> Warning: sexual situations but nothing graphic.

Calling his mother had been the right decision. She was just what he needed, an unbiased sounding board that would let him make his own decisions. Like always, she provided him with practical advice that was relatively logical. Her hypothesis makes sense. Words mean nothing without actions to back them up. 

His earlier analysis of Jim’s feelings for him provided Spock with a plethora of evidence that supports the conclusion that Jim loves him. It probably helped that in the sexy Vulcan professor file Jim said he was in love with Spock 18 times.

The evidence also shows him clearly that he loves Jim. He can say it in his own mind now at least after speaking with his mother. Trying to keep Jim from being expelled is obviously a sign that he loves Jim.

Yet he is still unsure if he is ready to say the words out loud. A little voice in the back of his mind that sounds suspiciously like Nyota is screaming at him telling him that this is not real and Jim is just using him. There are other voices that sound suspiciously like his former lovers that scream he is not worthy of love from such a dynamic person like his James. Finally, there are those who sound suspiciously like the tormentors of his youth that tell him he is unworthy of being Vulcan because he has fallen in love a human.

He has no more time to deal with the voices of doubt because he hears Jim at the front door. Jim doesn’t even bother knocking anymore after Spock gave him the code 3.6 months into their relationship.

“Hey, where are you? I have to tell you about my latest round of verbal sparring with your fan club.” He heard Jim call from the front of the apartment.

“I’m in the bedroom.” Spock said as he lit another candle in the room to set the mood for later. He knew Jim would just assume they were for meditation purposes because Spock always lit candles in his bedroom. Although his meditation candles usually did not simulate the smells of common Vulcan aphrodisiac such as roses, cinnamon, or the chocolate.

Unknowingly as Jim dropped his overnight bag in its normal spot in the bedroom, he kisses Spock. The kiss felt different than before. He could still feel that all over tingle feeling when Jim makes direct hand contact but he also felt everything Jim felt for him. Now Jim is feeling comfort and serenity. Jim feels that Spock’s apartment is the first place that has ever been home to him since his mother died right after he graduated from college. 

Spock is momentarily tempted to drag Jim onto the bed and ask him to move into this apartment permanently. However, it is not the right time and he must show self control even though his human side wants him to pin Jim onto the bed and give him a tongue bath after savagely removing his clothing.

“How exactly did you antagonize cadet Uhura today?” Spock asked as he lit the last candle.

“I think I like your new meditation candles. I love chocolate. Hey, how did you know it was her? It could have been any number of the women or men that are throwing themselves at your adorable Vulcan feet. Do you have any idea how hot you are?” Jim asked as he threw his disregarded sweatshirt on top of his things. 

The tight T-shirt gave Spock an excellent idea of what was underneath even though he has seen Jim shirtless several times. Yet, this is the first time he has allowed himself to consciously enjoy Jim’s esthetically pleasing physique. Spock’s body is quite pleased and he is mentally forced to keep all the blood in his body from journeying to his lower regions.

“Yes I am well aware of my temperature at this time. I’m also aware you must be speaking of Cadet Uhura because you enjoy antagonizing her for some unknown reason. Things would be less stressful if you two could get along.” Maybe if they got along Cadet Uhura would be less hostile to his relationship with Jim. Even though he sees no chance for anything beyond friendship, he would like to be friends with her.

At that moment, Spock realized quite quickly that the bedroom was not the right place for this conversation and started to walk out to the living room. If they stayed in the bedroom much longer Spock believes his control will last only 6.3 minutes. Moving into the living room adds at least an additional five minutes of control. “Please continue with your story.”

“So anyway, I told you about studying with her roommate. Ny was supposed to be spending the entire day and night tracking solar system’s but left early. Apparently, she assumes that her roommate is such a big slut that any guy there must be one of her roommates conquests. She accused us of fucking around even though we were both fully dressed with class materials out.”

“Her accusations may have had something to do with you hiding under a if bed at the time.” Spock thought to himself, but did not voice the idea out loud as he continued listening to Jim’s version of events. For his plan to work Jim must not have any idea whatsoever that Cadet Uhura already told him about what transpired earlier in the day. 

Their stories were similar except Jim included the fact that the cadet intercepted an emergency transmission about a Klingon armada being destroyed. Spock would have to make sure this information was reported properly tomorrow.

“I don’t know how she could instantly come to that conclusion. There were actual PADDs with text books on them lying around the bed. I think she hates me just because of my relationship with you. She thinks I am preventing her from getting in your pants. She just doesn’t want to accept you’re just not interested.”

“If only you were truly aware of the entire situation” Spock thought to himself momentarily. 

“Are you aware that she still has a monster crush on you?”

“I am very aware of the nature of her feelings for me.” Spock said with what could possibly be considered a sigh in human terms. “However, it is against Starfleet regulations for an instructor to engage in sexual relations with a cadet that is actually in one of their classes. Although it is perfectly acceptable for an instructor to engage in a sexual relationship with a cadet that is not their student such as yourself.” He noticed that Jim despite his superior reflexes at that moment ran straight into the couch.

“Are you okay Jim?”

“I am ok Spock. Anyway to make up for her roommate being an absolute bitch, Gaila invited the two of us to a party she just found out about. Bones is going to be there. Actually, I sort of need to introduce him to Gaila. Do you want to go? ”

“I thought we would just stay here tonight. If it would please you, we could watch one of those horribly inaccurate 20th century earth films that you like so much. Maybe the one with the light sabers and the short creature you constantly compare me to.” Spock had no intention of going anywhere except for maybe back to his bedroom with Jim. No movies would be watched tonight if he got his wish. However, he would not voice these plans out loud just yet.

"I know we usually do things that just involve the two of us, but I really want you to come. I know Vulcans don't dance or party, but you could still come? We can just sit in a corner and hang out as all the jealous girls look at us. It will be fun." Jim said kissing Spock again. He could sense Jim’s thoughts again through the contact. He knew Jim felt the same connection but he was afraid of ruining their friendship. He felt Jim tell himself that his feelings were just left over from his earlier crush. Spock was fully aware that the crush never went away. It was ashamed that Jim still believed that Spock did not date even after he tried to clarify earlier.

At this point, he gave up his efforts to keep his body from showing visible signs of arousal. It seemed pointless when he knew Jim was exhibiting the same signs.

"I do not see the logic in us going to a party when we will do the exact same thing there that we will do here." That statement was not a lie. Jim had no idea that Spock was planning to do something tonight that could not happen somewhere else. Spock consciously chose not to let go of Jim’s hand. Instead, he chose to use the opportunity to engage in the Vulcan version of foreplay. He was starting to stroke Jim's fingers with his thumb. He had this sudden urge to take one of those digits in his mouth and begin to suck it. Actually, Spock has the sudden desire for Jim to do that with his fingers.

"It may not seem very logical but Bones thinks you're imaginary. According to Bones the only reason why he hasn't sent me in for a psych consultation is your existence has dramatically reduced the probability of me contracting an STI." That is something Spock is very proud of.

He realizes that he has been preoccupying most of Jim’s time. In the future, he will make an effort to spend time with more of Jim’s friends, but not tonight. Tonight Jim is his, if he wants to be. If Jim stays then Spock knows his love is real. If he goes then Spock knows they can only be friends, even if such a thought is painful. He will accept whatever he is given because he cannot be without Jim in some capacity.

"I just want to do something different tonight. Besides you're probably not going to be speaking to me after I destroy your test tomorrow." If he were human, he would laugh at that comment. Jim seems so cocky at that moment.

"I sincerely doubt that since you are not going to be able to beat the test." He said reinforcing the previous impossible nature of the test. For his scenario to work properly tomorrow Jim must truly believe he cannot win the test.

"I'm so going to destroy your test tomorrow." Spock can see Jim’s plan to beat the test in Jim’s mind because they are still in physical contact with each other. He even sees an image of Jim hiding underneath Gaila's bed this afternoon just to prevent the cadet from discovering the true reason he was there. He is happy to know that Jim did not find Cadet Uhura anywhere near as sexually appealing as he did in the past when she stripped down to her underwear.

"That remains to be seen.” Spock said keeping his tone as neutral as possible. Again, Jim cannot know what he is planning for tomorrow or tonight for that matter.

“I do not feel comfortable going out, but I am not averse to you staying here. Unless you would rather go to the party by yourself?" He said phrasing the last part as a question. This is Jim’s chance to show how he really feels. If Spock were human, he would be visibly nervous right now. However, because he is Vulcan he is not nervous despite the fact that he feels slightly nauseous and for some unknown reason his palms are sweating.

"I’d rather be here with you." That was all Spock needed to know to confirm that Jim did love him. 

With that confirmation the last vestiges of his Vulcan control slid. Spock quickly added a human kiss to what they were already doing. He swiftly placed his mouth on top of Jim’s in the most intense kiss of any type that Spock has experienced in his life. For a moment, he almost thought their minds connected. The physical sensations along with the mental feelings that were slipping through his barrier were too much and they fell back onto the couch within 34.7 seconds of oral contact. 

Spock placed one leg on either side of Jim’s hips as he continued kissing Jim in the human fashion. He preferred this configuration because it allowed him to feel Jim’s erection grind against his. After 138.7 more seconds of oral contact Jim finally pulled away panting as his eyes were already glazed over.

"I thought you just wanted to be my friend." Jim’s words were slurred but Spock understood their real meaning. He could explain everything in that moment but he was slightly uncomfortable from the motions of their lower body to give a long explanation. He wished to engage in more sexual contact. A long explanation would be illogical at this time.

"We are friends. I may have neglected to mention that the Vulcan equivalent to the word friend can also mean lover in standard." He believes that Jim felt this explanation was sufficient because he asked no more questions on the subject. 

However, that may have something to do with the fact that Spock was unzipping Jim’s pants. He was just trying to make Jim more comfortable. He had no idea that Jim chose not to wear any boxer shorts that evening. 

In all honesty, he was not expecting to engage in any form a sexual contact with Jim on the couch that afternoon despite the fact that he placed condoms and various types of lubricant in the coffee table drawer. They did engage in sexual relations on the couch, but they did not do anything that required the use of the lubricant. They only participated in what humans referred to as grinding and mutual masturbation in addition to the human style kisses that would require Spock to engage in several hours of meditation to recover as soon as possible. 

They did engage in oral sex on the way to the bedroom and once in the kitchen at some point during the night when Jim required substance but Spock did not feel like taking a break from their vigorous activities. He’s personally surprised that no one choked during that activity. They did save all sexual activities requiring actual lubrication and penetration for the bedroom.

They did not really talk about their feelings for each other during these carnal activities. Although Jim did scream I love you 37 times during the evening. Seven of which occurred during Jim’s climaxes. He also said I love you the one time Spock allowed him to top. He still is unsure of which activity he prefers with Jim. Everything was quite pleasurable.

Considering the amount of activities they did during the night before Spock is positive it was a good idea that he adjusted Jim’s test time from 10AM to 1:00 PM. They continued engaging in sexual congress until 3:47 AM when Jim became unconscious after his last orgasm of the night. He is worried that Jim did not receive enough rest the night before to do well on the exam.

At 9:46 AM, he felt Jim stir from the bed. He quickly pulled him back down on top of him. Now that he was being honest with himself, he can admit he enjoys waking up with Jim in the morning. He also discovered that waking up with a naked Jim is 98.3% more pleasurable then waking up with a fully clothed Jim. 

If he thought Jim was merely getting up to use the facilities he would let Jim go from the bed but he knows Jim is worried about the test and Gaila. Spock is slightly upset because this is the first thing going on in Jim’s mind that morning.

"You will call Cadet Gaila and let her know that you will not be using her services today." Spock said as he presses his mouth against Jim shoulder. He has discovered over night that he enjoys the taste of Jim’s skin. He is pleased that Jim is no longer thinking about the Kobayashi Maru as Spock’s mouth continues to taste his flesh. 

Jim is still thinking about the test but he is now thinking about Spock programming it in the nude. Spock finds this much more pleasurable. At the same time, he wonders if he moves his mouth to reach Jim’s almost always hard member if Jim will cease all unnecessary cognitive functions whatsoever.

"How do you know what I was planning?" Jim asks this as he moans in pleasure as Spock slowly kisses his way down to Jim’s back to his perfectly round backside.

"It is amazing what one will let slip during orgasm.” It was not a lie. He did not actually say that Jim said something specifically at climax. He merely stated that many people say things during orgasm that they normally would not. Again, it is best that Jim does not know that Spock spoke with Cadet Uhura or that he accidentally read the sexy Vulcan professor file. 

“You will also be taking the test three hours later than originally scheduled.” He said as he turned Jim to face him. “I would suggest not taking the test again, but I know you too well. However, I am prepared to console you after you fail again." Spock said as he placed another kiss on Jim’s neck. Spock discovered that he enjoys kissing this part of Jim immensely due to noises that Jim usually makes when he runs his teeth over the delicate flesh. He wonders if Jim would be the upset if he leaves a mark so everyone else would know that Jim is his.

"That's fine. I already won. I already beat your ultimate no win scenario." Spock was worried with that statement. What if Jim already knew that Spock reprogrammed the simulation? It would be illogical to panic. He would ask Jim for clarification before he was worried, not that Vulcans worried.

"How so?" He asked calmly as he gently began to bite Jim’s neck.

"I got you to be my boyfriend." Jim said with a slight low moan. Spock was pleased more so that Jim called him his boyfriend than the fact that Spock’s plan was not discovered. Spock never had anybody refer to him as their boyfriend before and he liked it. He enjoyed hearing the word come from Jim’s lips. Boyfriend was the first step in becoming something more permanent.

"Indeed," Spock said as he fiercely kissed Jim again as he wraps his legs around him. Despite the time constraint they engaged in sexual intercourse one more time on the bed and once in the shower. Spock should have never listened to Jim’s suggestion that showering together would save time and water. The shower took 2.3 times longer than normal and Spock would have used no water whatsoever because he prefers the sonic style. However, he did enjoy the practice referred to by humans as “shower sex”. Although they may have accidentally broke some of the fixtures in the bathtub. 

Due to the incident in the shower, they had very little time to talk about the new status of their relationship, but Spock did not see it as necessary. The only thing that did change was that they were now engaging in a sexual relationship in addition to what they had before. Besides in the interest of staying completely honest with himself, they really have been dating since the beginning.

During their rushed breakfast they do have time to talk about one thing.

“After you complete your final try at passing the Kobayashi Maru, but before I comfort you I feel it would be best if we move the rest of your things and bring them over here. It should not take that much time because you do not own any of the furniture in the room and 34.2% of your belongings are already in our apartment.” Spock said as he kissed Jim before quickly letting go of his hand to grab a piece of fruit.

“Was that your very Vulcan way of asking me to move in with you?”

“It is only logical because you spend the majority of your time here. It makes no sense for you to continue occupying a dorm room for the next 2.2 months if you spend the night here on most nights.”

“Not that I don’t want to because I do, however, it’s a little fast. We have been only been dating for what 16.2 hours? You have to find this illogical.”

 

“Jim we had been dating for 7.32 months.”

“I usually don’t consider it dating until I have actually kiss the person.”

“By your definition and by human standards we have been dating since your birthday. By Vulcan standards we have been dating since the first day I taught you how to play chess.” Spock than grabbed Jim’s hands again and kissed him.

“This is how we kissed in Vulcan culture. Actually in Vulcan culture this would be considered heavy petting. We find oral kissing somewhat unhygienic usually.” Spock told Jim, but did not pull away.

“You didn’t find it unhygienic last night.”

“I only enjoy partaking in human kissing when you are involved.” Spock said as he added a human style kiss to what they were already engaging in.

“Wait we have been making out by Vulcan standards this entire time and you never said anything?”

“I was accidentally under the impression that because you spoke Vulcan you were familiar with the practice. That was an error on my part.”

“You’re lying. You did not tell me because you enjoyed kissing me. Not that I blame you. I have mad kissing skills even if I don’t know I’m doing it.”

“I’m not lying. Vulcan’s do not lie.”

“Yes, but you’re not just Vulcan. You’re my Spock. You do this thing with your eye brows when you’re lying by omission. It is kind of hot.” Jim says as he pulls Spock in for a human kiss that will make them even later. Spock has already received seven text messages from his assistant about why he was not there to observe the earlier tests.

“We need to go Jim otherwise we will be late.”

“Can’t we go back upstairs?’” Jim asked pulling him into another kiss.

“No. If you behave I may be willing to assist you with giving your old dorm room a proper farewell this evening.” Spock said kissing him slightly, mentally preparing himself to break apart.

“God I love you.” Jim said as he groaned into the kiss.

“I love you too, T’hy’la. Spock said finally breaking the kiss once and for all and pulling himself away from Jim so they can actually get to the academy on time.

“T’hy’la, I love that word, but have no idea what it means. No one would ever tell me. You’re not calling me something really mean in Vulcan are you?”

“The word T’hy’la means you are my, everything. You’re my best friend, you are closer to me that any family member, and you are the only lover I want to ever have again.

“Are you sure we don’t have time for a quickie? Because after that speech I want to take you upstairs and make love to you.”

“Positive.”

“That sucks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued in section four entitled Ms. Brightside. The next ark will explain Nyota’s behavior and deal with the Kobayashi Maru fallout.


End file.
